Friday, July 25

From the WHAT THE HELL? Department

When it comes to naming children, I'm pretty traditional. I'm big into maintaining one's ethnic heritage or choosing a name that won't get a kid beaten up at school. However, as this is a free country, I do respect the right to name your child whatever you want, even if it makes you look like a weed-smoking idiot.

That said, an article popped on my yahoo screen about a poor nine year-old child in New Zealand who was cursed with the name "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii." Yes, you read correctly. Talula Does the Hula... From Hawaii. I suppose it could have been worse, because other nutty New Zealanders have also tried to name their children Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, only to be blocked when they tried to register the names. "New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, that are 100 characters or more long, that include titles or military rank or that include punctuation marks or numerals."

I want to laugh at the thought of someone being named "Fish and Chips," really, I do, but it's too tragic. I mean, come on. Sex Fruit? How much crack does one have to be doing to want to burden their child with this name, which is not even a name? What is wrong with people?

Why stop at these names, though? I have some I think should be considered:

Fonzie
Rumplestiltskin
Female Pajama (Pronounced: Fe malay- Pee-jah-may)
Hibachi
Lemon Pledge
Ink Jet Printer
Earwig
Beetlejuice
Awopbabaloobobawopbamboom
Nostril Hair
Go Eagles! (exclamation point must be included)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Library Card
Penicillin
Horshack
Epidermis

I thought Michael Jackson had lost it when I found out he calls his youngest child "Blanket," and Gwyenth Paltrow named her kid "Apple." That's nothing after reading this.

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